Try These then

[normell]

Pierre, a famous French flying fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the famous French flying fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the famous French flying fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE F#@K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the famous French flying fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"


An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different
colours: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked over, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Three young nuns die & go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates and says:

"Young nuns, before you can enter heaven, you must tell me the worst thing you've ever done."

First nun says: "St. Peter, I've looked at a mans penis." St. Peter says: "Go to the fountain and wash your eyes, then you may enter."

Second nun says: "St. Peter, I've touched a mans penis." St Peter says: "Go to the fountain and wash your hands, then you may enter."

Third nun hollers to the first two: "Don't get the water dirty, I have to gargle!"